Have you ever had a friend describe a really "hot' man or woman to you, and you get all excited and eager to meet this wonder person only to come face to face with the person and there is "zero chemistry?"
Or have you ever found yourself so powerfully attracted to someone with whom you have nothing in common, and physically he or she is not even your "type" but he or she makes your libido sit up and howl?
Or may be you've been in a passionless and sexually dead relationship with your partner and suddenly you find yourself so attracted to your partner that you can't keep your hands off him or her?
Attraction first enters the body as a kind of bodily wisdom or primal instinct that we can think of broadly as chemistry. Something that cannot be safely contained or explained away in modern rationality - something that one can vaguely feel but can hardly locate or identify. And, as you know, at that level it can be quite impersonal, it can be any body. Sometimes we instantly feel strong sexual chemistry with someone when we first see him or her and other times we find ourselves sexually attracted to someone the more we interact with him or her. Other times, we feel the chemistry with someone and then when we talk to them, our attraction goes away.
When you find yourself turned on by someone, it is because you are picking up on the vibrations that person is emanating at the given time. Quiet often people who are similar to us and match our "positive vibrations" make us feel good about ourselves. They are fun and exciting to spend time with and we feel a sense of ease around them. Those with whom we share "negative vibrations" make us feel bad or uneasy, they put us down, abuse us, neglect or treat us with resentment. They argue with us a lot and quite often are quick to point out our weaknesses or what they see as our "faults" (which are really their "faults" and weaknesses too) and do so on a regular basis. But we are drawn to them because their vibrational energy is similar to our own and because we share their vibes we are bound to act reciprocally. And when we are not vibrating at our best, we have a hard time determining whether a relationship is abusive, damaging, or will work in the long-term.
The way we act or react at any given time are referred to by ancient teachings as "states'.
Our physical state - is the sum of the condition of our physical body and everything we do to our bodies: food, exercise, grooming, cigarettes, drugs, sex etc.. Our bodies also take on, in physical form, the mental beliefs and emotional wounds we hold inside (anger, fear, guilt, shame, etc.). We've all seen people with faces fixed into permanent scowls, it wasn't there when they were a child, what you are seeing is a terrible picture of their inner world. The physical state or appearance of our outer body sends out vibrations that are picked up by the person tuned to certain kind of appearance.
Our mental state - is the sum total of all our thoughts, beliefs, judgments, values, attitudes, receptive states, goals, day to day decisions, etc. As we grow up, our unconscious identifications of who we are, the meaning of life, the purpose of our being, how we relate to other beings and to our environment are shaped by our personal experiences and cultural conditioning. We tend to attract people who will act according to our beliefs, thoughts, attitudes etc. We seek out or attract people who will confirm to us what we already think, believe and expect. For example if we believe that all men do not like to be emotionally close or all woman do not like sex, the men or women we attract will respond to our subconscious belief and expectation. They will confirm that all men do not like to be emotionally close or all woman do not like sex. Or if we think and belief that we do not deserve certain kinds of people (out of our league), we will be attracted to people who will not notice us, will reject us or treat us like crap.
Our emotional state - this is the sum of all our feelings and emotions past and present. Suppressed emotions have a more powerful impact than words spoken without emotionally charged energy. If for example you were denied affection or love as a child, you may unconsciously fear that you will never really have love in your life. This sets up a vibration of desperation, of needing or lacking love in your life. You then attract people who do not reciprocate your feelings and end up longing, pining and clinging on the slightest sign of love or affection. You become a magnet for all kinds of situations, outcomes and people who are vibrating on the wavelengths that bring you more rejection, self-pity, depression, sadness, hopelessness, more pining and more clinging.
Our sexual state - is the sum of our ability to reconcile our sexual desires, erotic impulses, means, thoughts, sentiments, verbal and non-verbal expressions with our sexual competence or skills. If for example you struggle with sexual guilt, hurt and pain, regrets, self-recriminations, hostility, impatience, stress or tension, anxiety, embarrassment, distractions and feelings of obligation you will doubt that you can sexually please the opposite sex and unconsciously or deliberately create a "distance" between you and your sexual nature. Your distancing comes out as belittling or down playing your sexual expectations and trying to rationalize your "negative" state with statements like "lots of people don't have fulfilling sex lives, so its okay", "who cares about sex, anyway?" or " sex is often overrated, there are more important things in a relationship" etc.
Quite often you will have have problems associated with sexual timidity, low sexual drive, decreased arousal, erection problems, pre-ejaculation, lubrication problems, failure to achieve orgasms and inability to experience a sexual transcendent state or sexual ecstasy or you will over compensate by always talking about sex in a very graphical "detached" manner, being sexually promiscuous, reckless, aggressive or violent. Because you are operating from a 'negative" or disowned sexual state, you will in turn attract those people who will remind you of your helplessness, guilt, sense of sexual unattractiveness or inadequacy.
Our Soul state - this is the sum of our sense of peace with ourselves, it is how we relate to all life and to the universe, it is our natural intuitive state, our gut feeling, our knowing, our will power, our passion, the fire within, our depth of character, our ability to live in the moment, to embrace life etc. Your soul vibration is the expressions of your innermost being. Your soul vibration attracts those people who reflect the balance you have achieved internally. For example if you lack inner balance or have not found your "centre", your place of knowing and will power, you will attract in your life those people who will tend to swing wildly from one extreme of chaos to another. You will find yourself constantly thrown from someone else's chaos to everybody else's chaos.
Our soul vibration is also the only kind of vibration that attracts or is attracted to people and situations that do not necessarily reflect our own soul vibrations but offer us the opportunity to grow spiritually. The soul senses that a union with certain persons can bring new possibilities for it to flow freely in love, truth and bliss and is drawn to that energy. These people and situations may not always be pleasant but we are drawn or attracted to them because of the spiritual lessons we will learn, if we are conscious, willing and capable of learning. For example if you are in a place in your life where you are searching for your truth or your authentic self, (i) you will attract other people who are searching for their own truths, or (ii) you will attract people who have already been on that path and found what you are searching for, people who will help and support you through your own journey, and (iii) other times you will attract a person or persons who will lead you down the path of truth through pain, hurt and suffering.
Our spiritual state - Our spiritual state is is LOVE-based. These vibrations emanate from the part of us that is ALL profound love and unlimited compassion, joy and intimacy - and we ALL have this capacity within, everyone of us regardless of where you come from, whom or what you believe in, what you've done or not done in the past or what you will do or not do in the future. These are the vibrations that have the power to heal, to renew, to rejuvenate, makes us feel secure, inspires us, empowers us, to bring us closer true intimacy, to ecstasy, to Truth, to the Divine and to God. The problem for many of us is that we have so much mental and emotional "stuff" that is preventing us from vibrating from that place of unlimited and unconditional LOVE.
When you fall in love you fall in love with a mirror of your own most present needs.
Generally speaking, all healthy relationships require at least some measure of physical, mental, emotional, soul and spiritual compatibility vibrations. The important thing to remember is that we can pick up these vibrations all at once or at different stages of the relationship, at brief intervals or at intermittent times. More importantly, for chemistry to translate into a relationship it has to be present for both parties - not just for you alone.
This process of attracting people vibrating at frequencies that match your own continues throughout your life. The easiest way to make sure that you attract people who vibrate at the frequency that makes you feel complete physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually is to pursue your own self development. Commit yourself to deliberately duplicating the vibrations that bring you love, joy, happiness, sexual intimacy and commitment, and whatever else brings meaning, purpose and fulfillment in your life. When someone comes along they will reflect you and you will be vibrating at your best!
Manifesting a soulful, spiritually loving relationship and sustained passionate intimacy that can last a lifetime is easier than you think - and more within your control than you realize.
